The Asian invasion

I am Patrick. Short being Pat. Am an amiable Brit. I like Cricket on the weekends. I watch it. Don't play. Me and the missus get around to seeing a few games in the Midlands during the summer. We take our umbrellas. Brit weather, you know. We carry the sunglasses too. Brit weather, again. We rejoice if it is 11*C and the sun is over us. It used to be good back in the seventies. Snow, Botham and Willis. Gower, Gooch and Holding. Watch a game. Have a pint. Take the 9.32 home.

Then the Asians arrived.

Don't take me wrong. I am not the type to abuse them at the Ginger Pub with the mates over a beer. But it's impossible to watch and savour a Kohli drive if someone close is always dancing and falling over you without even registering the classicism of that drive. It looks like they've had a few even before they arrive in the morning. The Bangladeshis yell in Bengali and the Indians yell back in Hindi or the other many languages that they have. Their bad teeth aimed towards television cameras. They actually live for their cameras. The food drops off their laps when they find that the cameras are looking towards them.

Missus has got no interest in Cricket. She comes along because I go. She does the crossword during the matches. Last I looked at her crossword a few hours ago, she had drawn up quizzical lines emanating from the boxes. When asked, she said that the lines were because of the young men hitting her elbows as they kept jumping up every other minute. I felt sorry for her. How would DARWIN look if all the letters have spikes going all over? And she couldn't even glare at them as they kept muttering "Sorry" too.

The men who bring their Indian drums with those cymbals and one obese man who seems to wear a frightening contact lens and stare at the camera, were right there in front of us. When the cameras weren't looking their way, they ate. Or played the instruments. I could not hear the sweet thud of the bat on the ball all through the match. When the cameras looked their way, they became mini versions of Godzilla. Is being frightening a type of celebration in India? Need to research on that.

Even the Bangladeshis weren't behind. They brought in huge tiger dolls and shoved the dolls under my nose to make me frightened. I was, for them and their sanities.

This game used to be about tweeds, hats, whites and patience not so long ago. Am wistful. On the pitch, even now, I like it when the strokes are classical and the ball seams away well. But in the stands, it is as though "Planet of the Apes with bad teeth" has been released.

Well, one can't complain. They bring the economy to the grounds.

And what's this Jai Mata di? Oh, religion, is it?

Holy cow, they have this overt thing about religion, don't they?

How does Bhutan stay so happy and Pawan Kalyan Chronicles

Bhutan is a happy country. It is highest in the Happiness Index ratings. You know why?

They watch "Indra the Tiger" on TV. Daily. On repeat.

I swear. Ma Kasam. Heard from very reliable source.

Telugu to Hindi films have their own charm. Real hero. Doing hero things. Like punching one person and escape velocity making five persons go flying through the air with buzzing fly background music accompanying their flight path. Sometimes in slo-mo. Mostly in slo-mo. He'll say some small Telugu word, effective word, but it will come out as "Khabardaar Launde" well beyond the time his mouth is shut. You will marvel at the art of ventriloquism. Kamalhaasan did it in one film long long ago and made it a hit. They are doing it now in hordes of T2H films and of course, they will be liked.

But I like the challenges to science more in their films and that truly makes me happy. Like those people in Bhutan.

Pawan Kalyan is not just a hero. He is the God of parched earth and red mangoes and small things. All together. He thumps the ground and people in Bullock carts topple and acquire escape velocity. Then, if the people are flying say to the right, the Bullock cart wheels come out and roll to the left. Your scientific temper will be tempted to ask, "How"? Precisely, that's where Pawan Kalyan challenges you. Maybe, it's his shoes or the magnetic quality of his soles that attract the iron rivets in the wheels and so the wheels are tempted to roll back to where Pawan Kalyan stands with his thumped heel in the ground. Pawan Kalyan reinvents the tenets of science.

Doesn't that make you happy?

That should. That's the idea of T2H films. To make you happy. It's why people in Bhutan are happy. It's why Zee Cinema and Star Gold are happy making so much money on those sublime films.

I came to know of another one the other day. Supreme Khiladi. I was denied a full dekko by certain other pressing assignments like IndiaPak rivalry. But since I am generally happy person I know given a remote and a good day, I will again receive the bounty. Why did Akshay not think of Supreme Khiladi? What spurs a Supreme Khiladi?

The little I saw was breathtaking. Turning head. People flying. Someday I will know the science behind that too. And there's red eye and cheek shake when the mother is attacked. Or sister.

That's true service to the sons of the soil. Zee Cinema does that.

NDTV did not carry out the service. No red eye. No cheek shake. Nothing. Look what happened.

Khabardaar Launde.

Hey! The economy will not dump you

The notes have been discontinued. The matter is done. The cows have gone home. Now what?

Take the money to your nearest bank and deposit.

If it is unaccounted, you will receive a polite call or message from the Income Tax people and you will do well to pay up the fine, grin and bear it. You will still have much to salvage.

If it is accounted for, why worry your head off? You are paying your taxes. Use your plastic more. Intelligently. That's it. It is not for you anyways that the government has done what it has done. It is for the guys who run a mammoth black economy and deprive the nation of its rightful path, putting the stress back on the taxpayers that's us. 3% of the whole population. Us. It's to bring at least another 40% into the rightful way of economic development.

Just imagine what could happen now?

Banks will receive over Rs. 80 lakh Crores. Flush with funds, RBI could announce a slew of cuts in interests and repo rates. You could borrow money from banks at much easier rates than ever before.

Banks will reach out to the unbankable and create newer propositions giving birth to an altogether new economy.

This could benefit a slew of new entrepreneurs who could, with the help of banks, participate in personal growth and nation development. Education, services, infrastructure and utilities would receive a big fillip. Money will go where it is supposed to go.

Government, now cash rich, can undertake many budgetary reforms and augmentations than ever before. Again, Infrastructure, education, police, law, healthcare and agriculture will receive much needed funds to breathe easy and improve their lot.

Maybe, just maybe, the taxed will be taxed less. GST is going to help in some way already and maybe our tax slabs can get easier. We could hope for that. Then, more money in our pockets.

WhatsApp forwards and shovelling dirt at various political fatcats is all fine. I have enjoyed some jokes too. Over the last twelve hours but this is good.

This is what India should be about. Bold and sure footed. Strong, healthy and bubbling. There will be some of us who will have major concerns with cash in hand.

I still say it's time to show it. To the banks and the tax guys. No harm. No one is gonna put you behind bars. Some fines.

As for me, blissful. I am most happy using plastic and transferring money through the net.

I am lazy. And using a mobile to transfer money fits my type completely. Cheers!

Downturn..What and Why?

What is a Business Downturn?

I could not find an answer to this anywhere on the net. At least not satisfactorily common man answers. There is a lot of economic mumbo jumbo being spat out that makes no difference to my idiotic mind. So, what is it and why has it supposedly made people very wary of doing anything positive and visionary at work?

Also, what was a continuous super boom even six months turned into an almighty doom now.

Sampath Nayak is a small farmer in the district of Sambalpur, Orissa. His brother is a cab driver in Mumbai. I asked him about the state of affairs back in Sambalpur. He had this three liner, “The same thing, like before, no electricity, no water, bad seeds and no rains. One Crop and just enough to fill our stomachs once a day. I don’t know whether that is bad or good!”
I have heard about other states and a similar story of gloom through the last few years. So, they are our have nots who have not got any proceeds of the supposed boom.
So, who have benefitted? If we whittle down our country population to 100 and do a simple study, we shall find that the boom will have affected not more than 7 people from among this 100. I may be wrong in my calculations. But this is what the Human Development Index 2007 says.

So, it is gloom and doom for 7 people. Fine. But, these seven now control the loudspeakers of this country. So, if they are shouting doom, then so be it.
The benefits of the boom were never passed on by the companies, real estate barons and Investment banks that made their dough in the near past. It is they who have hit upon tough times. As the hoard turned bad. So, I have another term. Greed. Very known but seldom used.

So, we happily followed the dictum of some guy from a movie out of Hollywood - Greed is Good!

Great, all is fine but now the shit has hit the fan. The guy from that movie is not making a sequel and telling us about what Greed now is. USA is grappling with the aftermath of the mortgage crisis. They have a sound Federal system with its checks and balances. They also have a sound education system that will ensure the learnings from this shall not be forgotten in a hurry. They will make do. What about us?

The downturn in my eyes is:
1. The relearning process. What is right and what was wrong.
2. The required understanding of how a company should make money.
3. The strengthening of Fundamentals. The requirement of any business. Get your facts right.
4. The concentration on Processes and Knowledge development rather than adhocism.
5. The basic understanding that money is not so easily made. It needs diligence.
6. Have to do hard work!

It is not actually a downturn but nature’s way of telling us to be more inclusive in our growth as an economy. Money in fewer hands has to make way for money in more hands. If this fundamental is taken care of, a jitter in NASDAC will not shake somebody’s arse in Raipur. Not that it has even now. Our media just don’t know the business reality of our own country based as they are the two leading cities and rarely if ever travelling to the hinterland except for elections and natural calamities.

So, I believe that is a nice warning bell for predating companies to introspect and understand the nature of country, train its people to work hard and expect suitable results only.

The real alarm is elsewhere. We are deficient of very basic economy and growth differentiators:
1. Our Education is headed southward in Quality. Research and Development is at an all time low. The cities are mass producing engineers and MBAs who have no specialities and Innovation capacity. The hinterland while producing graduates are unable to get them to go up the L&D ladder. So, talent and its usage are still abysmal and what is progress without the Human Resources!
2. Job and wealth creation is a complete sham. Ask an average citizen and he has no clue how to get things going to achieve all this. The inherent idea of all inclusive progress is absent. So, it is herd mentality that prevails. Let’s take IT as a case study. In the mid 90s, just as US realised that there were a lot of jobs at one end of the food chain in the IT industry that could be farmed out to other countries to save costs, we grabbed the chances and progressed as an IT service nation. The turn of the century saw ITES also take the same route. Media went bonkers with the scene and India became the back office of the world. Some companies understood that the basic work would not last them for years and went on to create more products and services that probably would last the test of time. But others, who were simply looking for the buck, are in deep shit now. Even if no one says anything, the writing is pretty much on the wall. No new products, no R&D, no killer apps, no developments from university labs and most importantly, no hunger or appetite for Innovation or invention. So, what wealth creation are we talking about for the man on the street. Only the share market fellas and a few Investment guys doing trade in Land bought their Pajeros and Villas!
3. Bureaucracy does not permit Risk taking and Entrepreneurship as yet. First, the guy is basically risk averse because of the voodoo surrounding business in most communities except select ones and then the government does not promote or support it. Even if they do, conservatism by banks, institutions or peer groups overturns all the enthusiasm into cold sweat very early enough. Numerous guys with stars in their eyes early in life decide to settle for the quiet little job. Roam the countryside and you will find scores of youngsters wanting to set up that pharma lab, small savings company, PVC plant or restaurant settle for a job and lose it forever.
4. The mass at large have no direction. Bad schools that tell you nothing about ideals and ambitions. Colleges where you just go to pass an exam. Teachers who are largely failures themselves. Parents who just don’t have any clue. TV that tells you nothing positive. News that is depressive. Factories that have no excellence. Mentors who don’t impart wisdom. Managers who are busy saving their jobs. Loose tongues, Loose morals, Indiscipline and Impatience have largely fucked the country beyond redemption. Oh and Yes, the politicians and thought leaders are clueless. The bureaucracy is still in the British era. What a state of affairs!

This is the biggest downturn. In the garb of garbled progress we have unitedly pulled down all institutions of the country. So much so, 10 bloody terrorists just wangle their way into our land, rape us and the media beams our abject state to the whole world. What a downturn!!

0312.I shall remember.

The shouts. The cries. Vande Mataram! I trained my eyes onto an oncoming group of people. Dressed in chaste white Shalvar Kameezes, donning white skull caps, flowing beards, they were devout Muslims. Then I noticed the placards. “Pakistan is a Terrorist State”. Indian Flags aloft. The Group was highly animated. Pretty Large number by any standards. Raza Academy, the people behind this organised walk. They brushed past. Then, the clapping started. Thunderous! All around me were people who stopped what they were doing and applauded this segment of our community for doing what they did. It was then I realised the strength of my country. India.
Let me rewind. Blogs, SMSes. Facebook. Orkut. Everywhere was this call for being there at the Taj on 03.12.08 to send out a message to the entire country, the administration and the Politicians that we were to be no longer taken for granted. Non Cooperation was the word that Suparn, my organiser coined. As the day dawned, I had other pressing matters of the office to take care of. As if in sign of honour of the day, BEST got rid of the electricity in our office building at 8.45 am as I reported for work at my office. I lingered for a while at the chai shop while BEST put things right. The talk was about mundane things in office when someone piped up that he would be going for the march in the evening. Now, I am not really forthcoming about my other life with my office mates. So, I mumbled about me going there too.
Evening 6 pm. I hurried to finish my work at office. Left at 6.10 pm. My driver was smart enough to get to Churchgate by 6.40 pm but after that it was snail pace. I could see the sea of people all over, in “I love Mumbai” T shirts, with placards, flags and other assortments of democratic indignation spilled all over right upto Metro, that old and venerable movie hall. I did not fume. Let the driver be. He instinctively got everything right too. We turned in front of the Mumbai Police Headquarters. I told him that he needed to drop me there and proceed to any parking space that he could get. I would walk it from Regal. Ha! Little did I know that it was the only decision that could be taken under the circumstances.
Manjeet, my friend from PFC had already called and was waiting somewhere near the Ferry place along with our other mates. So, my mission was to get there first. But, what was this. ‘Sea of people’ was an understatement. People on the road. People on Traffic Podiums. People on the dividers. People on cars. Even people on the shoulders of other people. The Tricolour had been freely bandied about. There were scores of them. Banners were there in all shapes and sizes. The grim ones, the smiley ones, the naughty ones, the solemn messages, the concise ones and the silly ones too! Politicians. Pakistan. Parties. Media. CM Deshmukh. Raj Thackeray. RGV. Achutanandan. Naqvi. RR Patil. They were all lampooned.
Then the Cries. Vande Mataram was a crowd favourite. Jai Hind rang out all the while. Then the made up ones. Poor Pakistan bore the brunt. “Jab tak Sooraj Chand Rahega” was another favourite. Scores of youngsters in Tees. I had never seen such an emotional outpouring ever in my life. Absolutely never. There was no breast beating, mind you. Just a response. A huge response to a call given by fellow citizens about the state of our country. There were people from Colleges, from surrounding offices, from the far suburbs, all classes of the society, all religions and all age groups. I saw young kids in shorts doing “Jai Hind”, saw perfectly sane housewives from South Mumbai shouting “Down Down Pakistan” and a very old couple with the lady holding aloft the National Flag proudly and walking erect beside her husband of many years leading a bunch of very boisterous youngsters to an amazing effect. I took my time soaking in this unique and historic happening. I plodded along amidst this amazing humanity. I shouted too. I laughed at some ridiculous slogans too. The occasion was sombre but the people weren’t. The glint in the eye was combative, resilient and intelligent. Nobody was there to make merry. Not one soul did misunderstand the occasion. But they made it their own. It was so freeing, so life giving!
I reached Gateway of India. Manjeet, Raja and Suparn were there with their group. We talked about some normal stuff. Actually, I did not have much to talk. I was overwhelmed. Totally taken in by the sense of occasion. I am not Harsha Bhogle who can reel out a measured take on any occasion leave alone Cricket. I was not Alyque Padamsee or Mahesh Bhatt who could have given a philosophical edge to whatever was happening, anywhere. I just stared and stared. Trying to make a sense of where this could go. Shortly, we were joined by Kartick and Ashish. Kartick told me that he was witnessing history here and then would again be witnessing history back in US in a few days again with the Obama induction. Yes, he was absolutely right. This is history. In the making. And I just hope I can be some part of it!
Lastly, as we were coming back, we could see a large group of people standing still in the middle of all the melee. Went closer. “Jana Gana Mana” was on. I also belted out the last lines as I joined them. A sense of relief swept over me. This is my dear country. India. Redux.