Friday, December 31, 2010

Mallu Maniac at work!

The Mallu Maniac was at the top of his bowling run up. He looked at the ground. All around. His eyes in permanent disarray. Then he did the boom barrier opening gesture with both his forearms raising to his head and down, in a focus gesture. He stood erect and focused on the batsman who was now as antsy as the wicket keeper behind. The mid off, Zakkan, had already started waddling ahead in the hope of stopping that single that might be routed his way. The gully, Najafgarh Nero, in his crouch slumped as he was prone to routine disinterest if he saw too much of too little happening. The Very Special Man bent down to prise out an offending twig from the grass and mutter under his breath. God, at midwicket, was immobile, but smiling.

The Mallu Maniac started running. The umpire straightened. He was happy, a ball was being bowled. He heard the furiously pedaling steps coming towards him as he started to focus on the running crease. Suddenly the steps slowed down. The umpire looked back in dismay along with the more dismayed non-striker ABCD, who really wanted to bat and was stranded for hours at the non striker's end as the striker Amladas was equally exacting a batsman as the Maniac, now going towards his bowling mark.

What had caused this abrupt return to the bowling mark. A man in a black shirt sitting at the far end had moved a quarter of an inch in his seat. The Maniac did not like black moving. So, he did not play in one dayers where they moved the black screens. He had voiced this in a team meeting and Kaku, the coach had thrown him out of that team. So, now he was on his way back. Zakkan decided to take things into his hands as the skipper behind the wickets was pretty much cut up with what the maniac was upto. He came across, and simply said. Mallu, bowl man, the way you are bowling there shall be girls in your room tonight waiting for you to finish your pooja, just go on and give that Amlaman the best outside off and one that can come into him at a rapid pace. Nothing will happen, no one shall throw you out of the team.

Mallu kept nodding while Goatie in covers looked on murderously. Mallu ignored him, no one, and to repeat that, no one was going to take away his chances of bowling a wicket taking ball. He again did his gestures, prodded himself adequately, while God kept smiling. Then, the run up started. The umpire heaved a sigh of relief. The clouds parted as the Maniac came running in and bowled. The batsman in half sleep, put out his bat, and realized that he had committed the error of the morning as the skipper behind went up in a frenzy. The Maniac came rushing towards with ferocious faces rapidly changing colour and mouthing unintelligible phrases that sounded like "f%%& addi" or something.

Amlaman departed. The fielding team heaved a sigh of relief, not because Amlaman was out but because the maniac had bowled something, they rejoiced. The Nero from gully mentioned, "Chalo, ek ghantey ab chutti ho gayi, Sardar tu aglaa jhaapad isko kab dega??"

We saw Sreesanth taking a wicket, as bland as that!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Всем привет, Согласен, это замечательное мнение