Train timings and grooms

1989. This friend of mine in Howrah used to pepper his observations and stories with the train timings to make things factual, detailed and even get us engaged in it thoroughly. One day he married. So, we naturally asked him how it all went. Here's how he put it in first person: See, I didn't know that there were to be two groups travelling to Uluberia. My father had a brainwave. He told me that why waste money on a car from here. Who's going to see your thaat-baat on the way. Only your friends who will go with you. They are all lousy and decrepit. I won't spend on you guys from Howrah to Uluberia. I will ask a car to be there, all decked up, at the station when the 5.16 pm train arrives there. Now, you guys will think that I would have fought with my father for calling me and my friends names. No, I didn't. Arre, he was funding my marriage. Let him call me anything. At the end of the day, I would get the bride, not him, no? But my brain was stuck on one thing. Just one thing. Why 5.16 pm? The marriage muhurat was at 8.35 pm. As much as I know, the function place would be 25 minutes away. So why does father want me to catch the one that arrives there at 5.16 pm? Why not the ones that arrives there at 6.23 or 7.10 or even 7.31 pm. I would still reach the function hall before time and can be welcomed by my young mother-in-law? But my father was smart, you louts. He figured it like this. I and my friends would need our red blood flowing. We would need all our grey cells working. Marrying is not for the faint hearted. You cannot go and get married just like that tomorrow. So, it was to be like this. We would go in casual clothes by the 5.16 train. We get down. We go to the nearby bar. We ingest some good fluids. Fluids that would make our thinking positive and faces smile. Then, we change there. I can even take the bar keeper's help in tying the dhoti. He will be an expert. So many grooms might be coming over to him for help with dhotis after they start seeing double. Yeah, so I shall take the same help. Then, we go and reach say by 8.10 pm. We say we took the car and for people who really need to know we say we took the 7.33. That's what we did. I was finding it difficult to see things in 3D after that. So, a friend helpfully provided a scented 420 Zarda Wala paan. After that I didn't see much. Both the bride and her mother we're sitting together. I hope I did the seven rounds with the right lady. So, it was all fine. Many women asked me a lot of questions. My mind was stuck on only one thing. How would we get back? 6.32 am train or the 7.46 am one? Of course, father pre-empted my condition and provided the car back till home. That's why I keep telling, don't elope and marry your love or something, marry who your father directs you to. For the rest, there's always the stupor.